SUCH IS LIFE

just when i think things are finally working out, it all takes a turn for the worse and i'm stuck in the same fucked position.

1:50PM

i was only ever good enough for you when you needed me.

i couldn't care less if we aren't friends. i'm embarrassed of the fact that i even considered you a friend.

you have changed for the worse, and i don't want to know you anymore.

good riddance fake.

fuck you.

PLAYTIME

fig 1. sometimes i feel i'm far to negative for my own good.

fig 2. it's a big world out there.

GODLESS

i guess i'm just tired of 10 year olds running around with inverted-crosses maked all over their bodies screaming "hail satan!". if you can believe in the opposite of the catholic god (or anti-christ), how can you not accept that there is a catholic god?

think of it this way:

if you were to be standing on a path looking in one direction, does that mean that the path behind you doesn't exist? no, it does exist, weather you choose to acknowledge it or not

ஃ, rationally thinking, you should believe the whole story, right?

"the inverted cross is the sign of the fisherman, peter, who was crucified upside down. this use by the roman catholic pope goes back in ancient history to the 1st century. this valid christian use of the inverted cross, pre-dates contemporary thinking that an upside down cross is associated with satanism. it is in fact, old christian symbol for the martyrdom of st. peter. the inverted cross has no meaning at all to religious satanists."

does this mean you are all fisherman? or are you trying to show you are not worthy of being crucified up-right as some one named jesus apparently was?

is it that you are simply trying go against the grain of society?

just because you don't believe in something, doesn't mean you need to preach for some opposition. each and every person can make up their own mind about what they chose to believe in. quit being so judgmental and/or passive to people that have different views to you.

if you are that narrow-minded that you need a symbol to show you are superior to the rest of the world, at least think up something original, rather than taking someone else's sign and flipping it upside down.

find faith within yourself.

FACT FROM FICTION

you sit in the comfort of my own self-pity, staring endlessly inside this window.

you see no reflection of self, but a false pretense.

i have grown so tired of this facade, a misrepresentation of so many people trying to be something they are not. the constant search for acceptance has broken you into a new "half-person", you are no longer living for yourself, you no longer care for your own happiness. everything thing you do/ say, is for someone else.

if you are trying to be someone else, you more than likely won't notice.

self-doubt has led you into this hierarchy of popularity.

"we are not your real friends, we are all out, only to better ourselves".

if only they were honest enough to accept the fact that they do think they are better than you, they do think that they deserve a better seat in this place i call hell.

lies are fueled by more lies, truth is something of the past.

is this who you want to be?

i regret to inform you that, if you think you know who your friends are, you're sorely mistaken.

YOU

consider yourself dead, because you are nothing more to me.

BACKLIGHT

feeling left out, hands deep in pockets, trying to keep my mind wandering away from the nothingness i am attempting to cast over myself.

i've felt so empty, and as days pass, the sinking feeling that haunts my every thought is getting harder to bare. there is no simple escape from the torture, i'm on my feet running from pain - directionless, i have found myself here, without love, without hope.

i have given everything to break into this guard you have built - and it's because of my actions you have changed, you're not the person i know, you're no longer someone i want to be around.

i can't help but blame myself, and now that i have looked back, i guess it's safe to say that it was my fault. i was the one who left you, i was the one who made you feel unwanted.

isn't it funny how things always have their own way of happening over?

my life is a broken record player, being rewound and repeated, everything is being played over in my mind.

i guess i just wish things could have been different for the both of us.

i fear every moment spent with you, was a moment wasted.

HOPELESS

the click and the grind against my life and my time,
another year added to the line a turn round the sun.
holding hands and a gun i hear what i told you, be told to me,
a sweet kiss is blessed on my cold broken nights.
i need a siren to sing a song.
one foot in the grave, the other in sturdy shoes,
and though the concrete cracks i still call this my home.
my broken wrist watch is right two times a day,
i can't say that for anything else.
i build my castles big to see from space,
i find myself looking up with no-one to see.
there's no fierce beast or fate to predict,
i am a street knight alone in the night.
i stumble the steps losing my feet.

i am nowhere.

THE END

this is my only escape from the cold shoulder the world has cast me.
no sympathy shed, no warming hopes, just lonely soul searching, in a place of finding happiness in nothing other than yourself.
taught falling in line and rolling the dice, will get your further in this over-rated game of chance named 'life'. manipulated trails of thought, controlled into thinking you owe your life to a country based upon the grounds of deceit.
we have become so out of touch with reality. when fighting violence with violence, in the "holy" name of men you can only read about in pages, written in the blood of innocent lives lost in time, seems like the most rational thing to do. false hope injected into the already sugar-coated lies the world feeds. don't follow, think.

you can't fill this void i feel in my heart.
i'm alone, and it's not the first time.
(i can)
feel nothing,
hear the end,
see the beginning,
and only hope for a future brighter than my past.